October 3rd, 2003

Me, Smile

o/~ Because everyone's your friend, in New York City o/~

So, Sunday I went to New York City with a ex-girlfriend I hadn't seen in 8 years.

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It was a good day, all in all.. and I had a while to think about thing, what'd happened in the 8 years since I'd seen her with me, with her.. and I came to a number of realizations. Mostly good ones. Some don't need to be mentioned, but one was a fairly significant thing: I like to make women smile.

No, it's more than that. Where I get some of the deepest, long-lasting warm fuzzy feelings is the knowledge that the things I've done or said are resonsible for a smile. I clown a lot at work to get good smiley reactions from waitresses, or the dishwashing Chinese ladies. On dates, I tend to end up looking for that smile, traces of it, as a positive sign things go well. Heck, a lot of my hanging out with my sister is to make her happy. Words can matter, but what really keys me into somoene else's happiness level is that little turn at the corners of their mouth. And in the end, in a relationship.. especially a romantic one.. there's not much more that gives it validity. One day I hope to be a good husband to some woman, and do that by being a giver of smiles.

Now, this wasn't precisely a date with DZ. She has a boyfriend currently, and I didn't invite her with romantic intent. Still, as we talked thorugh the day.. I was looking to her to see her expression a lot. Glad when she was smiling, sorry for the times she wasn't. Especially towards the end with the unfamiliarity of the concert. That feeling of wanting-to-please is still there even with my female friends, and just about as strong as with girlfriends.

I hope in the end, I gave her more smiles that day than she'd have had otherwise. If so.. then that makes me smile, too.